It's true the world is watching. Some in disgust, some with pity, some who just don't care and yet it could happen to anyone. Fair or not. I don't know if I had already mentioned this before, but in 2009 I had the worst nervous breakdown that no one should happen to bear. And it lasted more than 3 years. It was like I was so into my own illness that it felt like I had no love, or feelings. I t felt like I had been totally abandoned and punished by my heavenly Father. I had a hard time to pray or read the bible. I was in and out of hospitals by ny choice because deep down I wanted to live. Deep down I thought I would get my strength back. But deep down I felt that I failed God and more or less I gave up trying. I forced myself to work what little jobs I had and I just couldn't take it anymore. But the thought of hurting this person: kept me alive. I could not bear to hurt her.
She was the love of my life even if I couldn't feel it. I was almost put into a Assisted living facility. And I was scared to death that my second granddaughter was about to be born. That would mean I would have to take care of two. But the parents didn't care if I just got out the hospital. They wanted to party. My immigrated husband got his papers in 2008 and I had lost my car at that time because I had a broken right wrist and it would be very hard to clean left handed. I do not blame everyone else for my illness but I do believe that people just didn't understand how deathly ill I was. I made ends meet on my disability. But 2008 I had no car and rode 2 miles to work at a Wendy's. For barely a month. Gave all my stuff away and went to California. I was invited by an internet retired couple to just give everything away and move out there. I took one way ticket to California and OMG. I just had to get out of there. Next day Yreka shelter for women and children came and got me right away. 180 mile round trip. Well it was quite peaceful but I was afraid of complete homelessness. Didn't even know a counselor wanted me to be her roommate. Daughter screamed at me to come back home. (she wanted money). Anyways getting back to 2013 I totaled my car on the 28th of October, I ended up going to hospital because I hit my chest so hard on steering wheel.. Was told to go back and see dr. after a few ays and went to my shrink to get meds. Whicch by the way I was totally off one and and working off another. Didn't mind the other two. Well I had no chance or time to see doctor agasin in Tampa. November 2nd, 2013 was the worst day of the year for me and my granddaughters emotionally. (will write later, have to go to bed now.) Okay I am back again and it is late as usual. Seems to be my habit lately.
To be honest with you I am so disgusted with my daughter's ex boy friend. He is such a hateful person. You know some people don't care who they hurt to get ahead in life but I believe it will always backfire on them. I think they can smell a good person from a mile away. Well not anymore! I can still be a goodhearted woman but if I think for one second that you are about to use me , just get out of my way! Hey that reminds me of a song. Hold on a second.
Family,grief, loss, crime, justice for the disabled and other crazy stuff.
Stacey Amolsch-Roy who keeps going anyways
Archives February 2014